Oh look- another Twilight rant!

I know I've ranted about Twilight before on here, and you know what? In all likelihood, I'll probably do it again some time. But lately, I've started noticing a bizarre and confusing trend, so, as per usual, I decided to rant about it. Yes, we all know Twilight fans are painful and annoying. Believe me, working in a bookstore, you tend to see more of this than most people in day to day life. But recently, there has been a major emergence of a group of people more annoying than Team Edward and Team Jacob combined. And that's Team "I hate Twilight so much I want to show everyone how clever and sophisticated I am by telling everyone just HOW much I hate it". And they're everywhere.

It's weird. Several months ago, there was nothing that made me want to stab my own eyes out quite as bad as rabid Twi-Hards, but now, I find them amusingly innocent. Simple, sure. Victims of some sort of intense, vampire-centric, mormon-based brainwashing nonsense? Of course. But harmless, in a way that reminds me of Down Syndrome kids. Sure, they're disabled, but they're happy and they don't hurt anyone, so what's the big deal. But the Anti-Twilight league? Jesus! Those guys are ridiculous. It's like they're gaining some sort of sick pleasure from pissing on everyones parade, with a level of vehemence that makes me think Stephanie Meyer snuck into their house, raped their Grandma, and shot their dog.

Look. I'm sure, as sensible people, we can mostly agree that the Twilight series isn't the most amazing piece of literature ever experienced. And I know we can all pretty much accept that Ms Meyer doesn't have even the most basic understanding of what a vampire is or does. And the Bella/Edward relationship is one of the most unhealthy, abusive pairings in history. And I could rant about these things myself. God knows they piss me off enough. But at the end of the day, what does that negativity achieve? Twilight sucks. Sure. But who cares? There's no need to grab our torches and pitchforks and make even bigger jerks of ourselves than the morons that wear shirts that say "Bite me, Edward".

Because you can't fight fanaticism with fanaticism. Well, you can. You just end up looking like an idiot.

They've still got it!

You know, anyone that questions the Muppets validity in this day and age really needs to watch this clip. I don't know what it's for, I don't know when it's from (recently though, I assume) but in just 4:46, it manages to be one of the most entertaining new Muppet productions I've seen in years. Clearly someone at Disney is paying attention to Muppet fans, cos this hits all the right notes. Literally AND figuratively.

Hopefully this is some sort of viral marketing to build interest in this new film we keep hearing about.

Allons-y

It's no secret that you only have to MENTION the name David Tenant to me and I go into all manner of time-travel based, swoon-heavy, Tardis-central fantasies that would put both Rose Tyler AND Martha Jones to shame. I'm happy to admit that. (And also worried to realise that's not my strangest celebrity crush by a long shot. Don't ask) So naturally, I tend to get pretty excited whenever a new Doctor Who special pops us, an event of excruciating scarcity this past year, which is only now rectifying itself. We had The Waters of Mars the other day, which I enjoyed immensely, and we've got two more to look forward to before David Tenant shuffles off and Matt Smith (Also swoon-worthy, I think, but it's still a bit hard to tell, to be honest) steps in to the role. Now, so long as I ignore the fact that I'm going to be left a heartbroken shell of an individual with the inevitably devestating death of the Tenth Doctor, I can still muster a bit of excitement, and this preview clip from the 2009 Children in Need special only helped build that anticipation. Sure, it tells us NOTHING new about The End of Time, but who cares. It's got the Doctor, acting all Tenanty and gorgeous. And honestly, what more can anyone want?

Time Travelers Wife

Ben, Mum and I went and saw the Time Travelers Wife adaptation the other day, which, I have to admit, I was slightly worried about. I mean, it was one of those absolutely perfect novels, and there was every possibility a film version would not only suck, but suck terribly, so I was hesitant, especially when ALL the reviews I saw were unanimously negative. Didn't bode well.

I'm glad to say, I adored the film. Immensely. Naturally, parts were corny, and it missed plot points from the book that I wished it had included, but I've never been one of those people that can't handle adaptations. You KNOW going in stuff is going to be excised, and there's a larger than average chance it wont be as great as the source material. Once you can deal with that minor fact, you're usually ok. Or at least I am. But I'm not going to gush about the whole thing for an entire post- (Movie was great, go see it is all you're getting in way of review really)

What I want to ask is, and this contains MAJOR SPOILERS, but if you're read the book, you already know it and you're safe to read on:::

How the FUCK do they explain Henrys death to the authorities? In the middle of a crowded party, where he's stupidly gathered ALL his friends around him, his body is discovered with a bullet wound. You don't think when they make the 911 call, questions will be asked about, oh, I don't know... WHO FUCKING SHOT HIM?? Surely, if Henry were smart, he would have sent everyone, Claire included, the fuck away, so that none of them could be implicated in his murder? Was this explained in the book? Am I forgetting a perfectly simple explanation that was offered somewhere? It just really shook me out of the story, the fact that in all probability, Claire is going to be subject to a long, invasive criminal investigation into her husbands killing. Which would have made a decidedly different ending to the story, I suppose.

God damn time travel.

Further Halloween awesomeness

You know, if my last rant didn't convince you Halloween was the greatest thing on the history of the planet, this will. Because without Halloween, we'd have never been blessed enough to see this, which is, quite simply, the most perfect piece of live television you will EVER have the joy of seeing. Let me just say this: Drunken, horny, moonwalking ewoks. And television hosts that genuinely have NO IDEA how to deal with it!

Your life will be changed. You'll thank me for it. You'll never see anything this great again. When I grow up, I want to be a drunken midget on the Today Show.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Halloween Success.

After weeks of stressing out, anticipating melodrama, and generally working myself up into a state over it, I can happily say that Halloween passed without too much going wrong at all. In fact, I had a lot of fun (and alcohol). You know, I think Halloween is a greatly under appreciated holiday in this country, mostly because of the stubborn dick heads that like to sit there and moan about the infiltration of American culture into our society, which, frankly, is bullshit.

If you're looking to avoid American Cultural Invasion, I think you maybe missed your chance during, oh, I don't know, the last fifty years when it was actually happening? It's such a ridiculous notion, bitching about a festival because it's big in another country, especially when that country is responsible for ninety percent of the pop culture we enjoy on a daily basis (Also, explain to me how it isn't rascist?). And it's crazy how outrageously defensive some people seem to get about it, as well. Try wishing a stranger "Happy Halloween" and seeing the reaction you get. People tend to look at you like you've just wished them "Happy 'I support pedophilia' Day" (which is nonsense- we all KNOW that's in June!)

The fact of it is, Halloween is a fun holiday. It's just an excuse to drink, party and be stupid. It doesn't have the religious connotations the other holidays tend to carry, so it comes without the toxic guilt we're all forced to deal with by smug christians that feel they get to monopolise Christmas and Easter, and you can dress as ridiculous as you like for one day a year. Honestly, what other day can you get away with wearing the trampiest outfit on the face of the planet, and get applauded for it? This year, I hung out painted green, for blergs sake. Green! It was rad!

Now, I admit, trick or treating still takes some getting used to, but that's only because it's such a foreign concept, having to sling junkfood at the neighbours kids while they're dressed like some sort of creature from hell, but I think we can get used to it. Because yeah. It's awkward at the moment. But they're enjoying themselves. We're enjoying ourselves. Everyones having a blast. I proudly support Halloween. And think that everyone that doesn't is an absolute tool. Seriously, the only reason you should have ANYTHING against Halloween is if you're a member of the Myers family and you've decided to spend the night holidaying in Haddonfield, Illinois. Because then, you're pretty much fucked. Everyone else, chuck on a costume, drink too much, and pass out in a pool of your own candy coloured vomit. Make me proud.

And to show you how awesome Halloween can be, I present to you...

ELPHA-BOY. Yes, that's right. The cleverest pun all Halloween. Also, some random attractive homosexual that ended up smeared with green paint. Halloween is FULL of win! ;-)