Ok, so fine. This comes, like, four months AFTER everyone else’s Avatar reviews, but so what. I’m nothing if not topical. My next post will be full of hilarious Sarah Palin references and my fears about Swine Flu. Deal with it.
I went and saw Avatar not long ago, after having it DRILLED into me that it was the greatest cinematic masterpiece since Steamboat Willy, so naturally, my expectations were cautiously high. James Cameron’s “Aliens” is still one of my favourite movies of all times, so we know he can make decent films, right? (You know, ASIDE from Titanic...)
Anyway. Naturally, I sprung the extra few dollars to wear the ridiculous 3D glasses, because I’m a whore for a good fad, and I’m glad I did, because, to be honest, the extra dimension was the films saving grace. Now, I HATE pissing on anybodies parade. Really I do. And I appreciate that people have loved the film. And honestly, I envy the people that did. Because I really wanted to. Nobody pays for a movie hoping for it to be shit- that’s just crazy. But I felt that Avatar was...well...boring. Pretty, but boring. Like an incredibly attractive person with no personality. You enjoy looking at them, but as soon as they start talking, you realise they have very little to say.
The film was basically 2 hours of climbing trees and watching neon lighting, followed by a fight scene at the end. Now, the final fight scene was, admittedly pretty cool, but I think people tend to forget that we had to sit through four hundred minutes worth of bullshit to get there! NOTHING happened, at any point in the movie, that you didn’t see coming at LEAST twenty minutes earlier. It was the theatrical equivalent of porn. Existing for the joy of watching it, but completely devoid of anything resembling substance.
I admit, I wanted to love Avatar. I really did. And I envy those people that did. I just couldn’t get past the fact that storywise, I’d seen it all before, and visually, yeah, it was great, but a film needs more than great visuals to survive. It would be like reading a shitty comic painted by Alex Ross, or playing a fucked up video game with amazing graphics. Half an experience. And I’m not prepared to rave about that.