Saturday, February 28, 2009


Oh yeah, baby! For those that were wondering, today, I managed to download Poor Unfortunate Souls by The Jonas Brothers! I'm so excited! It's already on the iPod, ready for the trip to Sydney next Saturday! Woo!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Driven to hatred

Confession time. I read, AND ENJOYED, the entire Twilight saga. I fell madly in love with Edward. I wore glitter to work for the Breaking Dawn release, so I'd sparkle like a vampire. I got caught up in the whole thing, and it was fun. I'll admit it. But the other day, I came to a realisation. I HATE Twilight now. Sorry Edward, but I do. Although I should say, it's not you, it's me. Or rather, it's not you, it's your fans.
I have never met as big a group of socially retarded misfits as the Cullen Groupies that seem to swarm the bookstore, purchasing every piece of inane bullshit conceivable, so long as it has"Twilight" stamped on it somewhere! Action figures. Tote bags. T Shirts. Books on how lovely Robert Pattinson is (although the more I see him, the more I get that creep "serial killer" vibe from him... which I guess is a good thing, considering he's playing a vampire...) Badges. Bookmarks. It's ridiculous! But not NEARLY as ridiculous as the reaction teh fans have when they stumple across some new piece of tripe. They shriek. And hyperventilate. This is NOT an exaggeration- I've witnessed it on multiple occasions, and it's embarrasing!
And the worst part is when they come to registers and want to discuss with me! I'm sorry, kids. I'm NOT talking about Twilight with you. I don't care that you want to marry Edward. I don't care if you're Team Edward or Team Jasper. Honestly. I don't even care that you've read the books 417 times. Please stop telling me.
And I feel bad for feeling this way. Like some sort of grumpy old man who just needs to rain on everybodies parade, but it honestly isn't like that! Like I said, I was caught up in it as much as anybody else 8 months ago. But I can only put up with so much, and these crazy buffoons have taken any enjoyment out of it- I'm ashamed to admit I've read the books now, for fear of being thought of as part of the same rabid fandom! And I don't understand where the level of lunacy comes from. Why these books? And why such extreme reactions? It defies explanation. I suppose the only thing certain in the whole thing is that Stephanie Meyer tapped a very eager market. And I hate her a little for it.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Mikey RIP

Forgive the obvious Roswell rip off (Or am I the only person that remembers that show? Ah, Max Evans, how I swooned...) but I'm Mikey, and today I died. Well, died inside. Which is odd, because I try to remain optimistic, usually, but sometimes (like today) that's damn near impossible. It seems like every shit customer on the face of the planet decided to come in today. Seriously- do these people get released from somewhere? I don't understand how they all hit at the one time!
But it wasn't just the customers- maybe I'm just hormonal, but EVERYTHING got me down today. The fact I had three hours of merch time, in an eight hour shift. The fact I was on registers at 2 despite the fact that the Embargo pallet was due to be opened then, with stock I'm responsible for dealing with. The fact that I can't so much as say "hello" to people on the floor without worrying I'm gunna get in shit over it. It's all too much, and it all seemed to come to a head today.

I need a real job. :(

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Parkhill: The Series

Move over 90210. Go to hell, Gossip Girl. Eat it and die, Heroes. Because there is a new television show coming that is going to blow all those other loser programs well and truly out of the water. I refer, of course, to PARKHILL: THE SERIES!
I always assumed it was one of my more insane traits, likening my life to a television show, on which me and all my friends are all part of an ensemble cast. I like to think of all of our dramas and troubles in terms of story arcs and plot points, our relationships as part of character development, and basically, I tend to break down day to day life into episodic segments.
It seems a lot LESS insane though, since I floated the idea to Bec and Sarah, who AGREED that Parkhill would make an awesome series!
We came to the conclusion that we're in the second season now, because last year was the ideal jumping in point, if you were to be watching our lives, so that they were at their most accessibly dramatic. I figure Sarah was pretty much the main character, considering it was her house we were all hanging at, and thus her fault that we were all brought together. So, characters were Sarah, Bec, Simon, Leesh, Anne, Beau and I, and the first season was a fairly light-hearted affair, but we still got to cover things like my break up, Sarahs family, Anne and Zac, Leesh and Ben, Me and a string of potentials, Beau and Mark (who was introduced in a very high rating episode thanks to Kate Miller Heidkes guest role) and then all of Bec and Simons crazy shenanigans as well. The season would have culminated with the New Years Eve cliffhanger of me and Sarah waking up in bed next to each other (ZOMG! What happened? Tune in next season!!!) and we even got to create our own spin-off, with Leesh and Anne heading off to Sydney to be all medical! It would have been awesome.
So anyway, you know you're totally going to watch it when it makes it to the air. And don't panic- we've recast Simon, so you don't have anything to worry about...

Why does this exist?

Whilst researching the youtubes for my last, Disney-themed post, I stumbled across something I HAVE to share with you. You'll love it. In that "I love it so much I want to eat a grenade" kind of way. Honestly, why does something like this exist? And more importantly, why am I about to devote time, effort and money into tracking it down so as to own it? What's wrong with me??

Even more Disney!

To steal Sarahs thunder, which was in turn stolen from me initially, I've decided to make my OWN list of Best Ever Disney Songs. How do you like me now, bitch? See if you can spot the common thread here, that sheds a worrying light on my subconscious...

These aren't in any particular order, either...

#1: Poor Unfortunate Souls- The Little Mermaid

Ursula is the greatest Disney Villain of all time, and this song captures her awesomeness perfectly. For anyone interested, it's really good in the live version of The Little Mermaid, as well.

#2: Prince Ali (Reprise) - Aladdin

Is it just me, or does Jafar come across as really, really gay? I mean, discount the whole "wanting to bonk Jasmine" thing, doesn't he seem ridiculously queeney? Or is that just me? Anyway, another fun, villanous song...

#3: Hellfire- Hunchback

I can't BELIEVE how intense this song is- honestly, there are soms frakkin adult themes here, especially for a Disney movie. It's such a shame Hunchback didn't achieve more critical acclaim- if the whole thing was of the calibre of this song, it undoubtedly wuold have.

#4: Be Prepared- The Lion King

Hyena Nazis! What more can you ask for in a Disney song?? And is it wrong to find Scars voice a little sexy? Is that one of those things I shouldn't mention? It is, right? Damn.

#5: Wont Say I'm in Love- Hercules

The only song on the list not sung by someone trying to kill the protaganist, it's still crazily cynical, yet ridiculously boppy and awesome. Meg makes such a kickass Disney Heroine- seriously, imagine her in a fight with Jasmine, or Belle or someone? She was wasted on Hercules...

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Now for something completely different

I'm a big fan of musicals. Like, a HUGE fan. (Damn you stereotypical gay gene. Damn you to hell) And because I enjoy such a wide range of musicals, I often find myself rocking out to songs that other people have never heard of, or at least aren't as familiar with as I am. And so, without further delay, I'd like to introduce you to five of my favourite songs from musicals you may never have heard of!!! Isn't this exciting!!! Look at all the exclamation points!!!!! I'm Matthew Reilley!!!!!!

#1: Doctor Horribles Singalong Blog- On the Rise

I know a lot of the people that read this blog will already know this one, but it's still a great musical, and this is a great song.

#2: Zanna Don't- I Think We Got Love

Zanna Don't is a gorgeous little musical about how it's OK to be Straight. Such a fantastic concept, a world where same-sex relationships are the accepted norm and the blooming love between a boy and a girl, and Zannas attempts to magically unite them. I <3 it. It's SO cute.

#3: Little Shop of Horrors- Suddenly Seymour

This has been one of my favourite movies of all time since I was about 16, and this song is a big part of why. So earnest and emotional. Suprisingly so, for a musical that is, essentially, about a man-eating plant.

#4: Legally Blonde- So Much Better

The most common response when I mention Legally Blonde: The Musical, is undoubtedly "They made THAT into a musical? Oh God!". Well, yes. They did. And what a fucking musical it is, too! Seriously, Legally Blonde is SO MUCH BETTER (ooh look, a pun!) than it has any right to be, but it managed to become one of my favourite musicals ever. And Laura Bell Bundy makes me wish I was straight. I can't even THINK of Reese Witherspoon in the role of Elle anymore. LBB owns it.

#5: Avenue Q- Everyones a Little Bit Rascist

There was a lot of deliberation on this spot (one fairly obvious ommission will be rectified in a post soon...) but ultimately, Avenue Q is one of the coolest things I've ever heard. And this song cracks me up every time. I can't WAIT for the Australian Tour in a few months!

So, dear reader. Thats a little glimpse behind the curtain that is my brain. I hope you enjoyed it- and if you know of any awesome musicals I've not mentioned, tell me about them! I'm always looking for new ones!

Week 5- Life in the trashy lane

Mission Five: Invent a Cocktail
Status: Presumably Accomplished...

I say presumably, because there is photographic evidence of the success, but sadly, I'm slightly amnesiac, and don't remember accomplishing it. Well, not with my usual clarity, anyway. I did, however, learn that I can consume 7 Platinum Blondes in one night and not have a hangover, so THATS fairly useful information. It is enough to fiddle with my memory though. But enough of that- on to the task!

We knew from the outset that this weeks goal was pretty much just an excuse to drink heavily with my nearest and dearest, and true to form, thats exactly what happened! Last night, we decided to converge at Becs place (Dare I say, the NEW Parkhill??) and gossip our heads off, just like old times. It was nice- you'd have loved it. But, we didn't forget I had a task to perform, and so, I present to you...

It's a very special Cocktail that comes in a sugar-rimmed glass. And is that a starburst lolly in the glass, I hear you ask? No, dear reader. That is, in fact, THREE Starburst lollies. Yes, the Parkhills secret ingredient is diabetes.

I'd love to tell you about the other, less secret ingredients, but thats where my amnesia kicks in. And so what- I only had to invent it, noone said anything about REMEMBERING! But I do remember having an awesome night, and the cocktail not tasting too bad at all. And just to prove I drank it...

I swear I never drank before meeting these people. Terrible, TERRIBLE influences.

Friday, February 20, 2009

I'm not one to complain, but...

(Shut up. I'm not).

I'm not one to complain, but sometimes, work REALLY shits me off. Like today. Don't get me wrong- I know I have an awesome job. I work in a fairly awesome store, with some incredibly awesome people (Yes Sarah and Bec, I mean you guys. And probably Simon...) doing something that 9 times out of 10, I genuinely enjoy. But still. There are days, like today, when I just want to scream and punch someone in the tit. I blame the general public, and their complete inability to be normal human beings. I mean, seriously. Why stand in a line for ten minutes before reaching a counter and THEN starting to dig through your bag looking for your purse? You fucking KNEW I was going to charge you money. Why wait? Why not have your credit card ready? You've been standing there for AGES! Did you expect to be some sort of amazing mystery customer that wasn't going to get charged for your purchases? I don't understand!
Oh, and why argue with me about book-related things? If I correct you and say "To Kill A Mockingbird" was written by Harper Lee, not Lee Harper, why argue the point? I work in a bookstore- I know shit like that! I don't understand why you would argue with me!
And if you work with me and you're not one of the people I mentioned above- SHUT THE FUCK UP OVER THE HEADSETS! I can't handle it anymore!!!!

Ok, I think that vent is over.... Sorry about that...

Monday, February 16, 2009


I may be having delusions of Oprah right now, but I'm urging EVERYONE to read the novel Incendiary by Chris Cleave. It's heartbreakingly amazing, and I'm loving it sick. It hooked me from the opening line:

Dear Osama they want you dead or alive so the terror will stop. Well I wouldn't know about that I mean rock n roll didn't stop when Elvis died on the khazi it just got worse.

So the whole thing is written as an open letter to Osama Bin Laden from this woman whos husband and four year old son were killed in an horrific terrorist strike on a London football stadium, and it's totally engrossing. And not just in a morbid sense, either. It's one of the most engaging books I've read in a VERY long time. Let me show you one more bit:

As for you I know you'd stop the bombs in a second if I could make you see my son with all your heart for just one moment. I know you would stop making boy shaped holes in the world. It would make you too sad. So I will do my best with these words Osama. I suppose you can see they don't come natural to me but I hope this letter finds you before the Americans do otherwise I'm going to wish I hadn't bothered aren't I?

I know that makes the book sound kinda preachy, but honestly, the earnestness of the narrator dispels that within the second page, and you just get really caught up in this lost, desperate womans memorial to her family. It's wonderful. Although it's books like these that make me doubt I'll ever actually become a writer, when you see just how amazing other people tend to be at it. It's funny- I didn't have the same thought whilst reading Stori Telling by Tori Spelling. I wonder why that is...

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Week 4- Call me Tarzan

Mission Four: Climb a Tree
Staus: Accomplished

Now that everything has worked itself out, I can admit that I have been TERRIFIED of failing this weeks task, since we've been pretty much inundated with torrential rain ALL DAMN WEEK! When it got to this morning, my last day to achieve the task before moving onto week five, and the weather still hadn't looked like improving, I was beyond nervous. Because four weeks in still seems kind of early to start lagging behind.
Luckily, about half way through the day, Beau organised to come over, and I knew that, rain or not, I had to make it happen. So we loaded ourselves into Emmett and went hunting for climbing trees. First, we thought King Edward Park would be able to provide something suitable, but after driving in there, we realised I was hardly experienced enough to attempt the trees they had there. So instead, we explored the weird barracks things that are there, but Beau wouldn't let me climb in through one of the broken grates. Probably because of monsters, which IS a valid concern.
Next, we tried Civic Park, and had a lot more luck. The trees were MADE for climbing. Although I did learn the valuable lesson that, whilst Converse All Stars may LOOK amazing, they hardly make suitable footwear for climbing trees in the rain. So, you know. We've learnt something today.
And did I achieve the task? You tell me.

VD doesn't have to suck!

Who knew? I was amazed! Suprisingly, Valentines Day didn't suck balls at all! It was, in fact, a fantastic night, involving Sarah, Bec and I finding an awesome burger joint and drinking lots of Beer. Well, I drank lots of beer. They watched. And got blamed for it. So there is a waitress somewhere in the Junction thinking Sarah is a total alcoholic. (Which she IS)
Although the same waitress attempted to push me through a glass fridge door. Tell me again why we liked that place?
The moral of the story though, is that despite my fears of having an utterly miserable time on my first Valentines Day as a single person, I was reminded just how fabulous life is when you have the most awesome friends on the face of the planet, and that they make everything better. Or maybe it was the beer. Who can say?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Does this mean I'm giving up?

Quite possibly. Because, suprisingly, the idea of reading all 100 books on Angus and Robertsons list is starting to SERIOUSLY PISS ME OFF! I realised today that I'm spending all this time plowing through books I really don't care about, like Eragon, or The Secret, or anything by Matthew Reilly, and it's causing me to bypass books I actually want to read! I work in a bookstore, I'm constantly being exposed to things that look like they could be amazing works of literature, and yet I'm avoiding reading them to make my way through this ridiculous list. It's dumb.
So, while I'll continue to use it as a guide (which is why I'm still planning to read "Persuasion" by Jane Austen) I'm not letting it dictate my reading patterns anymore. I'm now free to read all the fabulous books I've looked at with longing recently, like Incendiary, by Chris Cleave. Or Berlin Noir by Phillip Kerr. And the Ingenious Edgar Jones by Elizabeth Garner. Or Neil Gaimans entire back catalog. There are so many I've been dying to pick up!
So while it's sad that I wont accomplish my goal of reading each and every book, I think the fault really lies with Angus and Robertson for picking such crappy books.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Week 3- Live and Fabulous

Mission Three: See Live Music
Status: Accomplished

This mission caused a little procrastination as I tried to figure out how broad the definition of "live music" was allowed to be. Because technically, I saw people singing karaoke on Friday night, and if I failed to find anything more exciting, that was going to count. LUCKILY, in the true spirit of this little project, I found something a lot more exciting to experience, and thus, on Saturday night, went to Maddy and Savannahs Drag Bar! (I don't care if they mime- it's live, thanks very much)
And, just to make it as camp as humanly possible, they were performing the Cher show, so naturally, I was in Gay Nirvana. Have I ever mentioned how much I love a good drag show?

Monday, February 2, 2009

The list is COMPLETE!

After much deliberation, concentration, and badgering of my friends, I've finally filled EVERY week of my diary with awesome entries as part of No Week Will Be Wasted 2009. Thanks to the fantastic brainstorming session with Bronwyn, Rene and Deb today, the list has been completed, and my year promises to be the most epic of years...EVER.
Entries include:

  • Make some art

  • See a strip show

  • Host a dinner party

  • Attend a life drawing class

  • Bake a pie from scratch

  • Road trip: Destination unknown

There are more, but I'd rather not reveal everything too early. Just rest assured. It will be amazing. Thats a promise.

My Skin Cells Hate Me

Had the BEST night on Saturday night. Leesh was up from Sydney, so we reuinited the remaining Parkhillians and hung out, first at a pizza place on Darby Street that we're all so find of, then we celebrated her return by dancing our brains out at G. It was great, trashy fun. In the spirit of trashy fun, shortly into the night, I decided my initial plan of remaining sober and driving home was stupid, and that if I left my car at Beaus, I could get a taxi home, and enjoy a few cheeky beers throughout the night. Ended up not needing a taxi, because Sarah is the worlds most awesome friend, but still. The point remains my car was at Beaus.

Beau lives in Cooks Hill. I'm in Adamstown. How far is that? Let me show you.

I walked the black line. Which is much further than it looks. Because I'm an idiot who can't judge distance. But anyway, the worst part about the trip, was, being the kind of boy that doesn't play outside often, I forget the usual precautions, like, you know. Sunscreen. Hence, I am burnt like a mofo. But that Oh So Attractive burn that manages to show the world the exact shape of my single. Some people tan and look attractive. I look like Dr Zoidberg.

And to make matters worse, because of the recent advertising campaign warning people against skin cancer, all I can think is how I've traumatised my skin cells, so not only am I in ridiculous amounts of pain, I feel guilty about it! I feel like I should give my skin cells a little cuddle and say sorry.

This is why I don't go outdoors...