Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Should have seen it coming

Oh look! An horrific explosion of ridiculously devastating proportions. Must be a post on my love life.

Just a quick one, so the plot thread of the guy I've been blogging about of late isn't left unresolved and dangling, but the whole thing seems to have come to a complete close. Why's that, you ask? Well, good question. Seems to me it was based mostly on misunderstanding and misinformation. Someone took it upon themselves to speak on my behalf to the boy, with words I never said, he took it the wrong way, didn't bother checking with me, and here we are.

Even writing that, I can't believe how ridiculous it all seems. But I suppose I should stop being surprised when these things go pear-shaped for me now.

Monday, March 30, 2009

The Manliest of Desserts

Something I like to do occasionally, when slightly stressed, is comfort bake. It's a fairly relaxing endeavor, and the plus side is, you get baked goods at the end of it! Win/win!

So, to deal with the stress of the last couple of days, I decided to finally whip up the Strawberry Shortcake I've been planning on for so long. And the good news is, it turned out beautifully. I've always wanted the kind of signature dish that gets requests at dinner parties, (Well, that would involve friends that throw dinner parties, as well, I suppose, but lets take baby steps here, one thing at a time) and frak-dammit, this culinary monstrosity may just be it.
Probably should have taken a picture BEFORE I started devouring it, but do you have any idea how much self control it took just to leave this much to photograph?

Week 10: Unleash the Polish

Mission Ten: Get My Nails Done
Status: Accomplished. (And how)

Running a little behind schedule this week, but how amazing is it that we're already in double digits? How exciting! Ten weeks in, and this thing is still as awesome as ever. This weeks task was another one I was slightly hesitant about, once the initial list-writing euphoria died down a little, but ultimately, you only live once, and my nails have, thus far, remained criminally boring.

When I was talking to my mother about the task, she actually came up with the idea for this, so we can hold her completely responsible for what you're about to see.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you week ten. The one the foot-fetishists amongst us have been waiting for.

I think we can safely rule out thongs for a few days...

As predicted..

Monday brings with it a fair share of being a pain in the hole. I don't know whether it's the fact that I was up at 6.15 this morning to get ready to work, or if it's the fact that my personal life is a mess, or just the fact that I'm turning 25 in three days, but for some reason, I am NOT in a good mood.
I suppose, given the last couple of days, getting into a slight snit was somewhat inevitable. (After Sunday morning, I've decided the universe hates me and everyone I care about. Seriously, before 10am I'd learnt of divorce, death and serious injury)

So, in attempting to stave off my terrible mood, I'm attempting to sort out the personal life rubbish (updates hopefully forthcoming), planning to go visit mum, AND making a delicious Strawberry Shortcake. If that doesn't work, nothing will...

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Quick update...

The boy I mentioned earlier? The one I like? He's still fantastic. He bought me a lilly. My favourite flower. Swoonage ensued. :-D

Reefer Mildness

Whilst it wasn't an official task in my ongoing mission to broaden my horizons this year, I figured it was keeping well within the spirit of NWWBW to say yes last night, when the suggestion was made to get me stoned and watch Reefer Madness. For a few reasons, really. First, try something new. Second, this was probably the only way I could get my friends to watch one of my favourite musicals with me. Thirdly, well... Reefer Madness makes it look kind of fun.

Sadly for me, the mind-blowing, Mary Sunshine-esque musical number I imagined for myself was NOT forthcoming, and the whole affair seemed kind of mild and uneventful, leading me to the conclusion that I must have done it wrong. Somehow. Which is annoying, because I was looking forward to a little bit of, you know... Reefer Madness of my own. As it was, all I have to show for it is one of the best nights sleep I've had in a long time. I think that counts as a fail. :-(

Crisis of Faith

I'm not one to question anyones religious beliefs, BUT...
So I'm not a religious person. I make no secret of that fact. But it's not for lack of trying. I was very much raised in a pro-religious household, attended Sunday Schools like a good little Christian boy, and received bibles for gifts with alarming regularity. Actually, when I look back, it seems like the majority of my childhood was devoted to trying to find SOME sort of religious experience that seemed to click with me.
But there is one thing that never sat well with me, and to this day I'm still unable to find ANY sort of reasonable explanation, and it kind of ruins the ENTIRE bible/ Christianity thing for me.
Where the fuck do DINOSAURS fit in to the whole experience?? Honestly, this has bugged me since, like, the age of six! I was never able to get past it, and I was ALWAYS getting in trouble for bringing it up in Sunday School. It annoys me so much, it amazes me that anybody is able to accept christianity without asking some serious questions about the whole thing.
Biblically, the world was created in seven days, with Adam & Eve popping up on the last day going about their business and fucking up the whole ordeal for everyone. BUT. As an obsessed kiddie, I was well-versed in the fact that dinosaurs lived hundreds of millions of years ago, and it was in a time long before man came along (well, at a stretch, we could argue that cavemen were around...I would have accepted that at six). And they ruled the earth for more than six days.
Now, it's not my intention to belittle anyones religious faith. It's honestly something that bugs me about myself, my inability to just get over things like this and believe in something. Because people that believe in God generally seem pretty happy about the whole thing. But if a six year old is poking holes in your system of faith, maybe it needs to be reviewed somewhat, huh?
Personally, I'd love for the pope to come out one day and address the situation with a complete backtrack, and try to tell us that Jesus was a caveman, and he used to fight raptors, instead of Romans, and he rode a T-Rex instead of a camel. I'd probably have an easier time going to church if it was all about Jesus and his wacky dinosaur adventures. Because at least then, they'd be acknowledging the problem.
As it is, it feels like it's the elephant in the room that the church just hopes people don't notice, and thats not good enough. Like I said, I raise this not to be a prick, but out of genuine curiosity. Can anyone offer an explanation for me? I'd love it. And it doesn't work to just shrug and say "well, you don't take things literally in the bible..." because if you start picking and choosing the bits you like, the whole thing becomes even MORE of a clusterfuck.

No means NO!

When people at work ask you to come in on your day off, it's NEVER a good sign. That's why, when I was asked by management to sacrifice my Monday off (despite the fact that it's one of the few times I actually get two days off in a row) to come in for the new promotion changeout, I was hesitant. But still, being such a team player, I accepted. Then had it sprung on me that they want me there at SEVEN IN THE MORNING! What the eff kinda eff is that? So clearly, I will have an angry blog for Monday night. Watch this space. *angry face*

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

C'est la vie, I guess...

This post was supposed to be uploaded on Monday, but, as is often the case, life got in the way, and here we are.

Monday was 23/03/09. Which translates to what WOULD have been my seven year anniversary had Michael and I remained together. Which we didn't. So I guess it's only natural that the relationship was fairly heavily on my mind recently. Not in an "I wish we were still together" or an "I want him back SO bad"kind of way, just in the sense of thinking about what happened between us.

For better or for worse, six years is a huge portion of your life to devote to another human being, especially at our ages. So a natural side effect of this, is the fact that there is really no one on the planet that has known me better than he did. And understandably, when we broke up, everything was a little too raw, and things were said, and I was bitter about being replaced, and the concept of remaining friends was kind of ridiculous. But time heals all wounds as they say (not sure who "they" are. Someone says it...) so I figured now was as good a time as any to extend the olive branch of friendship, and let him know that if he's keen, I think now would be a good time to try to rebuild a friendship. Just a friendship, mind you, but a friendship. So I sms him as such. I tell him he made the right decision, but I'd love for us to meet the people we've both managed to become.

Four days later, and still no response. Call me bitter, but thats just pathetic. What a joke.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Hard Work Never Killed Anyone?

People love to regurgitate that little quip. "Hard work never killed anyone". I want proof. I'm sick of just accepting that on face value. And besides, lots of shit things have never killed people. Why is that reason alone to do it?

I'm trying to write up a resume at the moment, and it's a TOTAL pain in the ass, and way harder than I imagined it to be. I just wish someone else could do it for me. Any takers?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Well, that was weird...

Good gravy I was in a weird mood today. I was fine (albeit cranky, which is pretty normal for a Saturday) for the morning, but then, at about lunch time, it was as if a switch had been flicked and I was in the strangest mood I've been in a long time. I guess the best way to describe the way I felt was that I was having some sort of mild panic/ anxiety attack. I've had them before- they're horrible. Heart beats heaps faster, I get jumpy, nervous, frightened. Difficult to breathe... lots of fun. I HAVE discovered the trick of hiding at work in the toilet and turning the light off, whilst crouching as low as I can get without touching the manky floor, but today, even that wasn't helping. Possibly because of the stupid customer who, despite the door CLEARLY being marked "engaged", attempted to kick it down or something. Scared christ out of me and made the whole thing worse...

Now that I'm home, I've started to settle down a little, but instead of having a nice lie down and ignoring the world for the next twelve hours, I'm about to jaunt off for dinner. Hopefully I'll be fine soon. If not, I may need to find another cool, dark space to hide for a while.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Week 9- Food Fun

Mission Nine: Order Something I've Never Eaten Before
Status: Accomplished

Ok, I'll be the first to admit, when I thought of this weeks task, I WAS thinking of something slightly more exotic, like snails, or frogs legs, or grilled moose antler or something. BUT, we work with what we have, and what I had was a group of friends that wanted to go to Grill'd for dinner. I make it sound like I'm bitching, but trust me- I'M NOT. Grill'd is, quite possibly, my favourite place in the world at the moment, and tonight, it was just as awesome as ever.

Surprisingly though, when you're at a restaurant that pretty much exclusively sells Burgers, it CAN be difficult to find something on the menu you've never tried before, but ultimately, I settled on the Grill'd Bird & Brie, which consists of "Grilled chicken breast, Brie Cheese, Thick Cranberry Sauce, salad & herbed mayo". Was it delicious? It was. Will I order it again? Christ no. I feel like I'm going to explode- that son of a bitch was HUGE! Look at it!
And I finished that! And a fancy beer! I actually meant for the beer to be in the photo, because again, it was something I'd never had before (Full carbohydrates in a beer- who would have imagined...) but I'm a terrible photographer. And there was no room in the shot after that beast of a burger made its way in.

And just on the subject of NWWBW, I love how it's catching on with the people around me. So many people have been asking me about what the task is for a specific week, or trying to find out about upcoming adventures, or even just expressing an interest in partaking in some adventure with me- that's why Virgilia came to Grill'd with us tonight. It's good to know that more people than just me are benefitting from this tomfoolery. It's my gift to the people. :)

Pilgrim in an Unholy Land

I went to a Tupperware sales meeting the other night.I know! Let THAT phrase sink in for a little while. It was SO much more fun than I was expecting (despite Maddy & Savvy promising me that it would be a blast...) even if it did feel like I'd stumbled into the midst of some sort of bizaare cult. It got me thinking- would scientology be more popular if they sold plastic boxes? Couldn't hurt. I should call Tom.

Anyway, the night was great, and everyone was talking about how much money they've made, and now I've got it in my head that I should be selling Tupperware. Sigh. I'm so easily influenced. When I told my mother, she groaned loudly and pointed out that SHE used to be a tupperware lady when she was pregnant with me (so not THAT long ago, thank you very much...) and that despite my convictions, it would NOT make me my fortune. So I don't know who to trust. My mother or my Drag Queens.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Uh oh.

Mikey likes a boy. It could be difficult to maintain this air of cold, unemotional cynicism if this keeps up. Whatever shall I do?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Goodbye, masculinity...

In one night, I've blogged about Anne of Green Gables, Musical Theatre, and giving myself a Drag Name. If I was anymore camp, I think I'd be a tent.
And it would totally be that one.

Productive Sunday

Was having a lovely afternoon barbeque today with the Newcastle Effemenati, involving home made burgers and LOTS of wine, when we stumbled upon the fact that, of a tabe of six homosexuals, I was the only one that had never frocked up in drag! (I'm sure in some circles, this is a normal statistic. I love my life)

So, whilst we were all FAR too hot, lazy and drunk to actually rectify the fact that I've never been in a frock, we DID spend the day brainstorming names for my inevitable Drag Debut. Actually, to be honest, I doubt I ever WILL do it, but it did make for a fun afternoon, and we discovered these fun little titles. What do you think?

Patti La Philia

Bree Hip-Mole

Liza Round

Minnie Designated-Driver

And countless other word puns that got more and more interesting as we were left with less and less wine...

Although the winner was... (And imagine a drum roll, if you would...)


That way, I get to incorporate two of the divas I love so very much (Ms Liza Minelli and Ms Patti LuPone) AND it still gets to sound camp, fun and ridiculous. Like me.

So do I get to have a christening now?

Sunday, March 15, 2009

The Greatest Musicals NEVER Made

I'm sure everyone has noticed that the current Broadway trend involves wacking a score onto a preexisting film and calling it a musical, with varying degrees of success (Legally Blonde- fantastic. Young Frankenstein- less so).

Years ago, I made the comment that First Wives Club would lend itself towards this treatment really well, and could make an amazing musical. Much to my delight, thats EXACTLY what has happened, and it opens later this year, with Ana Gasteyer (The woman from Reefer Madness that blew my socks off) playing Brenda (The Bette role). So far, the information is full of win, and I'm crazily excited.

So because I was SO right about that, I've decided to have a think and see what else is just screaming to be adapted into a musical. Maybe I should copyright these ideas???

Absolutely Fabulous
Ok, I'm not sure just how well this one would work- I mean, a lot of Ab Fabs greatness comes from Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley (Hear that, America? Abort the remake NOW! It will never work!) but it's already camp as tits, and I think a musical would be hysterical! A storyline would need to be established, because you'd need some sort of emotional investment, but the over-the-top nature of the series would translate really well, I think, and be a lot of fun.

Zach and Miri Make a Porno

Sounds a bit rude, I know, but for some reason (And Simon and Sarah can attest to this) the second I walked out of the cinema, I felt that this movie needed to be a musical. It's crass, it's gross, it's AWESOME. AND, on stage, the oversentimentality that almost killed the movie for me wouldn't seem half as jarring, it could actually work in the musicals favour. And just IMAGINE the song titles. Oh my.

Yeah, I know, it practically is anyway, but still. Someone needs to get off their ass and make this happen. Isn't CC Bloom just DESTINED to be a broadway character? And you could stick all the Bette hits in there people know and love, but pad it out by giving Hillary a bunch of numbers. (ooh- she could die in a musical number! How fabulous! Thats how I want to go!)

Romy & Michelles Highschool Reunion
Whoever wrote the amazing Legally Blonde: The Musical needs to follow it up with an adaptation of this. 'twould be HEAVEN, and I'm sure they'd be perfect for the job. It can work as a thematic sister to the other show, and it would be utter magic.

I know thats only four, and believe me, I have more, but I figure thats probably all your poor mind can handle at this stage, reader. Some of my other possibilities include Steel Magnolias, Mystery Men and Death to Smoochy, but I'll save the explanations for another time!

Oh, and lets all cry a single tear for the death of the Princess Bride musical that I was so looking forward to. Le sigh.

Week 8- Culture Time

Mission Eight: Read Anne of Green Gables
Status: Ongoing

When I began to chronical these little adventures, I knew from the start that some weeks were going to make less thrilling stories than others, despite maybe being entertaining or fulfilling tasks anyway. This is one such week, I'm afraid, but ultimately, the point of NWWBW 09 was to enrich MY life, and this is all part of it.

My task this week was suggested by Rene, and at first I was kinda reluctant towards it, because, well... it didn't sound that interesting, but since starting, I've absolutely fallen in LOVE with this book. It's so whimsical and delightful, without being too sugary or sweet, and the characters! Anne is obviously the most engaging, but they're ALL so much fun, and the book has an absolutely wicked sense of humour, which tends to be uncommon amongst older novels. I'm really enjoying it, and when all is said and done, I'm glad it made the list of things to do.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Mikey has Colour

So, remember when my skin cells started to hate me because I traumatised them with the threat of skin cancer? Well, we're on speaking terms again, and we've reached a happy compromise! Last night, I discovered the joy of Spray Tanning! I now feature a colour on my body that ISN'T pasty white! It's bizaare, it's different, and I LOVE IT!

Uneducated but relieved

I learnt this morning, via a phonecall at 7am that Fraser Island is experiencing a major fucking tropical cyclone. The SAME Fraser Island that Jenna-Lee, my baby sister, moved to about a month ago. WTF!
My ex mother-in-law, whom I still love dearly, called me early this morning, and I answered, fearing the worst (no one calls before 8 with good news) which is why I was so shocked when she asked how Jenna was. Of course, trying to act casual, I pointed out my sis had moved up north and was having the time of her life, I spoke to her the other night, she's fine, blah blah blah.

Silence ensued, followed with: "Michael, you haven't seen the news in a few days, have you?"
She then had to fill me in on the fact that the island has been evacuated, and I believe, in technical terms, "Shits goin down." Holy fuck.

So I start trying to reach my mother. Without success. Starting to panic slightly, I decide to go straight to the source and ring Jenna. Who answers quite chirpily to inform me that yes, the island was evacuated, but no, she decided to stay on-island for the duration. Why? Because she's never seen a cyclone before.

Honestly, if I ever doubted she was my sister, that settles it.

Crossover- EXTREME!

Remember how exciting it was when Friends crossed over with Mad About You and did that whole crazy Ursala thing with Lisa Kudrow? Or when Hercules and Xena would acknowledge the fact that they existed in a shared universe? Or when Ally McBeal did that awesome crossover with the Practice and Ally dated Bobby for, like, 12 minutes before he realised she was batshit crazy? Sigh. I do love me a good crossover episode. Which is why I'm so excited to announce that Parkhill: The Series (I'm sure you're all huge fans by now) experienced its FIRST major crossover with the show that spun off from us at the end of last season with Leesh and Anne in Sydney!!!! (We should probably name their show soon...)

Like all good crossovers, ours featured a slightly random premise for getting us all in the same place, as well as escalating plot lines, offering drama, and bringing back dozens and dozens of guest starts for both shows! The setting? Mardi Gras, of course, and what a night it was!

It started as Bec, Sarah, Byron, Glen and I departed for Sydney in the morning, intending to go via Sarahs Nans place, which was exciting, because Bec and I had never met her before. And now we have. And she told me I looked 15, thus ensuring her place as one of my favourite people on the face of the PLANET! So we were off to a great start for the episode, despite learning we couldn't drink at the parade (don't panic- we found a loophole...)

So then we got to Leesh's place, only she wasn't there, and we got to meet her housemates (I know! The crossover was really kicking in here...) Sarah decided to wait for Leesh while the rest of us cabbed it into Oxford Street, (after I managed to consume 3 bottles of Pure Blonde in, like, 30 minutes...see: loophole!)

I can't be bothered recapping the whole night (besides, it gets kinda hazy the further we go in...) but needless to say, much fun was had by everyone, even if some of us didn't see THAT much of the parade, and despite the fact that I'm STILL exhausted, I feel the night was a complete success. Like I said, it certainly advanced some plot lines that have been dangling around for a while, at least for me... Not sure in which direction, but I guess we'll see that in upcoming weeks.

Week Seven- Bones in a Bar

Mission Six: Drink in a bar I've never been in before
Status: Accomplished

Should I start worrying about just how many of these tasks have involved alcohol? Because it seems like kind of a lot. Don't worry, liver, I've just browsed the next few weeks tasks- we're looking a lot tamer for a while, which is probably a good thing, because this week just gone involved...you guessed it... DRINKING LIKE A FISH! Although this week, it was with a twist, and the mission was to partake in the drinking in a brand new setting! How convenient, because the weekend ALSO happened to see us in Sydney for Mardi Gras (aka Gay Christmas, kiddies), where unfamiliar drinking establishments were as common as drug-fucked twinks last Saturday!

When we arrived in Oxford Street, we headed to Stonewall (and I started wondering wether I could just lie and pretend it was my first time so that I could claim success again- HOW DISHONEST!) but when we were informed they wanted to charge us $25 to stay there beyond 4pm, we decided to head South and fnid a better (read: cheaper) venue for the night.

Enter Slide. Free entry all night, and a dance floor that lit up like a retro Christmas Tree! AND cheap drinks all night! Woo!I'm not sure exactly WHY I looked so excited in this picture. I assume it had something to do with the pretty floor.

Mikey Watches The Watchmen

He also didn't update his blog in over a week. AND developed a habit of referring to himself in third person. Slightly awkward, but anyway...
The movie was as amazing a version of Watchmen as you could possibly film. It maintained the integrity and beauty of the novel, and managed to be an enjoyable piece of cinema in its own right. Huzzah.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Spin, bitch, spin!

I really want to do a spin class at the gym, but I have no idea what it involves, or wether I'd die in the attempt. I think my desire comes from my old assumption, that a spin class was pretty much a bunch of people standing in a room, turning circles as fast as possible. You know, like Wonder Woman used to.
Even though I realise now that this isn't the case, I still feel compelled to do one. Although I don't know anyone that ever has, so I can't work out how intense they are...
How frustrating. And incidentally, how much fun does the Wonder Woman Spin Class sound? I'd totally do that one in a heartbeat!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Week 6- Spread the love

Mission Six: Message half my facebook friends
Status: Accomplished (Just!)

This weeks task was never going to make the most exciting story, but it's something I've thought about doing for a really long time, and I'm glad I've finally managed it! When the task started, I had 180 friends on le Facebook. I sent out 96 messages since Monday. That's 53.3%. Which earns me an "accomplished", but christ if it didn't take longer than I expected!
And, in case you were wondering, of the 96 messages I sent, I received responses to 54 of them. Which was better than I expected. Although does mean that 42 of the people on my list are BASTARDS. Never mind- I did manage to meet a whole bunch of interesting people that have just been sitting there, being facebook friends without me ever actually having spoken to them. So the long term effects of this weeks mission will obviously be ongoing, but that's a good thing.
All in all, I judge this week a rousing success, even if it seems like a boring story... Maybe next weeks will seem more exciting. OR WILL IT? No, probably not.

Oh look! Positivity!

Contrary to the picture I've painted on here, lately, with my "doom and gloom" posts of the last week or so, my life is a pretty cool place to be, and my appetite for grenades is generally fleeting, at best. To prove my point, I thought I should try to counteract some of the recent negativity by talking about some of the awesome things keeping me amused or occupied at the moment. I apologise in advance if I inspire envy in you...

Battlestar Galactica
Just finished watching Season 4 of this on DVD (yeah, I know, I'm behind the times) and loved it SICK! Oh. My. God. Anyone who hasn't watched it from the beginning needs to- as soon as possible! So frakkin awesome!

Finished reading Stardust again the other day- pretty sure I can safely say it's one of my favourite books ever. It's so lovely, and quirky, and delightful- it's impossible to not feel happier after reading it. The movie is awesome as well, but Neil Gaiman just writes so beautifully that it's an experience in itself.

Mardi Gras
Next Saturday! Can't wait! Bec and Sarahs first time, so it should be le awesome! Which is french. For the awesome.

No Week Will Be Wasted
We're six weeks in and still going strong! There are some really fun adventures coming up that I'm really excited for, and I'm as suprised as everyone else that my apathy hasn't kicked in yet and I'm still so hyped about the whole thing!

My tickets arrived the other day! The room is booked, the seats are great (fourth row, thanks for asking) and I'm already panicking about what I'm going to wear. I have to look my best if I intend for Anthony Callea to fall madly in love with me, right?

Thursday! (Friday for me though... THANKS Borders) Even if it sucks, I'm excited! Because it's Watchmen! On the big screen! Woo-frakking-hoo! I'm almost giddy thinking about it! Giddy as a school girl! A SCHOOL GIRL!!!

So, see? Not all horrible-there are lots of cool things to talk about! Oh! AND I found a chardonnay called "Gossip". How amazing is that!