Trick or Treat.

Happy Halloween, y'all. So Beau and I were planning on carving all of these totally awesome pumpkins, and being all Halloweeny, and giving lollies to costumed kiddies, and wearing cool getups and generally getting into the spirit of the day. Yeah, that totally didn't happen. Stupid Australia, with its stupid lack of carvable pumpkins. I didn't even realise pumpkins HAD varieties, until I started looking for orange ones. Apparantly, they're some mythical breed of ultra rare Mega-Pumpkin or something, and Australians just can't be trusted with them. That's obviously the only logical explanation, because we scoured Newcastle (if by "scoured" you mean went to one fruit shop and several Woolworths, then yeah, we scoured) with absolutely NO success. So we gave up.

And the lollies that were purchased for all the charming children? Spent the night gorging on, as well as pizza, and coffee, and triple chocolate mousse with cream. Kinda think I'm going to die now.

Here's a carved pumpkin I found on the internet for your enjoyment, seeing as I don't have one of my own to show off. :(

Mission Accomplished

10 Posts before the end of October? Easy :D

Is this cheating?

So, as mentioned earlier, I'm reading through the Top 100 Novels list, and I've hit a conundrum. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to read Mao's Last Dancer. So, would it be considered cheating if I just read the Young Readers Edition?? I'm not sure wether that crosses the line into some sort of literary fraud, and wether it's just a small step away from wikipedia browsing a books plot and claiming to have read it.

Ultimately, I know I'm the only one that really cares about it, but still, I'm torn. I'm also half tempted to say "Fuck It" and just read comic books instead. Decisions, decisions...

Commitment? What's that??

So, in preparation for the upcoming Kylie concert, I joined the gym a few weeks ago, because, as we all know, one has to look ones best for a social engagement of such significance. Yeah, I think I've been maybe three times since signing up. Apparently, it's not enough to just pay for a membership, you're actually expected to UTILISE the damn thing. So I was all excited to go after work today, but now I'm home, after an 8 hour day, and I know I'll be going jogging with Beau later tonight, and possibly heading out to the Cambridge after that (On a School night! WTF?!?) AND I have to work tomorrow. Sigh. Somethings gotta give, and it will probably be the gym. Again. Because I'm lame.

Mind you, come the concert, I'll be bitching like you wouldn't believe when I've got the least impressive body in Acer Arena, and when that happens, I expect sympathy from all of you. First one to point out it's my own fault will be forced to watch Cher DVDs with me. For all eternity. While I sing along.

Excitement Plus

Want to know what I'm ridiculously excited for?? I'll give you a hint- it starts with K and rhymes with Riley X.
Oh yeah, baby! Kylie X! Bring on December 14! Jealous?? You should be- it's going to KICK ASS!

Parkhillian Awesomeness

So, a few weeks ago, I went out with some completely awesome friends, and we had a fantastic night, involving ping pong, terrible stand up comedy, Big Game Hunting, a literal BOWL of coffee, a homophobic homo, and eventually, Kylie Minogue karaoke. It was great. Even if I was refused entry into a pub for being too drunk before the drinking had even started!!!! Newsflash, people- Sober Men Skip Too!

I promised to upload this video ages ago, but, you know, being lazy, I've just got round to it. This is Sarah and Leesh's stunning Gateway debut. I <3 these guys.

Epic Fail, A&R

I'm a sucker for lists, and being a "book person", Angus & Robertsons Top 100 would, presumably, be right up my alley. Last year, I made it my goal to read each and every book on there, thus opening myself up to a wonderful new world of literary treasures I would have otherwise never discovered, or continued putting on my "To read" pile (which is getting ridiculously large as it is) and never actually getting around to. So, I'm still plowing my way through the 2007 list, when I notice the other day, they've released the new one. And I'm not real happy about it.

Firstly, in the number one spot? The Harry Potter SERIES. That's right. Put aside the fact that Australia has decided the Harry Potter series is the greatest piece of literature on the face of the planet for a second. That's seven books!! How can that be Number One???? Which is bad enough, but then, in position four? The Obernewtyn Chronicles! That's another five books! So already, this "Top 100" has become a "Top 110". And making it even more annoying, Eragon and Eldest are listed seperately, in positions 52 & 66, which means the list doesn't even follow its own logic!

Another one of my MAJOR issues with the list? The Australian public are clearly idiots. The Secret (22), Pillars of the Earth (34), A New Earth (39), World Without End (69) and The Last Lecture (79)? All featured on Oprah. I'm not sure why this annoys me so much, but it does. It may just be residual anger from the Oprah-philes that swarm work like Zombies whenever Queen Whinfrey tells them they HAVE to read this latest book that moved her to tears. Mob mentality is bringing down the integrity of the list.

And, finally, the Author Bias. Jodi Piccoult, Matthew Reilley and Bryce Courtenay seem to make up about a third of the fucking books on there! And really, can people HONESTLY say that Matt Reilly deserves a spot on the greatest novels of all time? Ice Station is fun, but really? Come on.

It's not all negativity though. I did like that Pride and Prejudice and To Kill a Mockingbird were both still in the Top 10. And it made me happy to see The Book Thief at number 7. I liked seeing The Princess Bride and American Gods both earnt a mention, and it HAS inspired me to finally read Fight Club, so I guess all is not lost!

And it isn't just the fact that I work for the competition, either. Angus & Robertson just put out a shit list this year.

I blame Cher

So, I totally managed to turn back time today, and like any self respecting gay man, I blame Cher.

I spent my day discovering the awesomeness of Marvel: Ultimate Alliance on the Wii (and trust me, it's becoming harder and harder to find cool games to brag about on that thing). Which doesn't sound too bad, until you realise it came out in 2006. Yeah, that's right, Bones. Way to be cutting edge *roll eyes*

I don't care that I am normally a DC Man. Fucking shit up as Captain America is just plain fun.

PS- While wikipedia-ing "2006 in Music" to make some witty pop culture reference from two years ago, I discovered that the A*Teens (bunch of Swedish kids that made a "career" out of butchering Abba hits) disbanded in April that year. Their reason? "Well for starters we figured that it’s better to stop when you’re still on top."

Oh yes. They thought they were once"on top". Feel free to be amused.

An enormous step.

I saw my ex today, for the first time in months. Really, the first time since the break up, where we stopped talking. Well, not actually the break up, but the first time since we decided to stop sleeping with one another POST breakup. And it was awkward. But not as awkward as I expected it to be. And as awkward as it was, it felt as though it wouldn't be that way forever.

I saw him because I decided to let him see Yoshie, the dog we had together that we agreed I should take in the divorce. Since we broke up, Michael never expressed any interest in seeing Yosh, until a few weeks back, when out of the blue, he sms'd me about it. At first, I agreed, but on my terms, being I would take Yosh to the park, and he was welcome to come and spend time with him there. He got all pissy, and didn't think that was fair, so I basically told him if he didn't like those terms, he could fuck off. I still stand by the fact that there was nothing wrong with that arrangement, but eventually, I recognised that I was refusing to budge out of stubborness, so I asked if he wanted to have him overnight, which he jumped at the chance to do.

Seeing him tonight made me realise how much I miss my old life, but not in the sense I regret where I am now, because I don't. Only in the nostalgic sense, because we were all so happy. It's a shame life took the shape it did. It's not that I have feelings for him anymore (honestly, the guy was a fucking DICK during the breakup. He told me over facebook chat that he had a new boyfriend. Despite having led me along for weeks with the prospect of reconciliation) but tonight was the first time I entertained the thought that we could actually remain a part of one anothers lives in the future. Which would be kinda nice. I mean, he did know me better than anyone else on the planet for over six years. That kind of thing doesn't just dissapear.

None of this was my intention in letting the dog stay with him, by the way. That whole thing, suprisingly, was completely without alterior motive. For a change, I was being nice for no reason other than the act of being nice. As far as new trends go, I don't see it catching on.

NWWBW 08

NWWBW08. OR, the best thing I've heard of on the internets in a long time. It stands for No Week Will Be Wasted 2008. As in, you accomplish one awesome creative thing every week. Being half-assed, I adopted my own, less energetic version of this awesome scheme, and challenged myself to the relatively easy task of beginning this blog, and to make sure I stuck to it, I told myself I could aim for a paltry 10 posts before the end of October.

That was a week and a half ago. Now, it's the 20th, and I'm only three posts in. I think, at this rate, I'm failing. Which is dissapointing, but at least it has inspired me to pull my finger out and try harder!

So, bring on another 7 posts before the end of the month! Woo!

Quality is no issue!

Musings of a Retail Queen

"Excuse me? I know this is a stupid question, but..."

You know what? Stop right there. Honestly, customers everwhere seriously need to learn this lesson. Because really, when you walk in the door, I don't hate you. In fact, I kind of like you. But when you come up to me and utter THAT phrase, KNOWING it's going to make you sound like an idiot? Gah! I just don't understand! I wish I could interrupt the sentence with a quick "STOP! Stop right there. Don't say it. Don't ask it. Let's just go our seperate ways, believing that the other person is a decent human being."

You know, maybe there's some truth to the rumour that customer service isn't for me...

I'm not one to gossip, but...

"Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!"

I was going to spend this post justifying my blogs reason for existence, but at the end of the day, everyone else has one, why the frak shouldn't I? And who doesn't need a place to take out all their frustration and anger towards the world? Especially an angry old thing like me?

And I realise, the majority of this will probably just be me, bitching about customers at work, but you know what- laughing at the stupidity of others can be its own reward.