Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Little Mermaid- NOT FOR KIDS

I thought a quick parenting tip from Mikey was in order today, based on a lesson learnt the hard way by myself when I was a youngster. Actually, there are a few stories like this, which I feel contributed to making me the bat-shit crazy individual we see before us today, and in time, I hope to share each and every one with you. If not you, then with a certified Medical Professional at some stage in my future. We'll see which is more appropriate.

Anyways, like most kiddies growing up in the 80's, I was obsessed with the charming Disney movie "The Little Mermaid". To the extent where my childhood ambition was to actually BE a mermaid. Not a mer-man, mind you, because I'd never heard of such a creature, much to my parentals horror, and I was adamant that I would, some day, be a Mermaid, just like Ariel.

Being the loving parents they are, my folks saw no harm in nurturing my particular obsession, even going so far as to purchase me a copy of the original "The Little Mermaid" story, by Hans Christian Anderson (who shares my birthday, by the way) DON'T EVER DO THIS!!! I CANNOT stress this enough. Never give a child that adores the Disney romp a copy of the original text- it wont end well! Imagine my prepubescant horror to discover that Ariel does not, as I'd been led to believe, live a Happily Ever After with Eric, but instead, is given the option of KILLING him, after he buggers off and marries someone else, or letting herself die! And those feet the Sea Witch was so happy to let her have? Caused her excruciating pain on which to move. Despite this, SHE KEEPS FUCKING DANCING for the stupid Prince! And how does the whole thing end? She's dead. She turns into Sea Foam. That's it. It's utterly, utterly horrific, and I never really got over it. So, you know, be warned. Bastard Disney and their overly happy mermaid tales.

On a mostly unrelated note though, I'm in love with the Little Mermaid Broadway Cast. Not a single sea-foam related death to be seen- MUCH BETTER!

2 comments:

Jess Nukem said...

I grew up on the Little Mermaid movie too. And it got to become a total obsession of mine, to the point where my parents gave me the Little Mermaid Barbie doll for my seventh birthday, much to the horror of my grizzled WWII veteran grandfather. My dad later let me watch Splash and I got obsessed with throwing water on random girls to see if they were undercover mermaids, including a babysitter who foolishly told my brother and me that her friend was one in "secret".

Next time she babysat us, she brought her friend who was playing along and had no idea what my brother and I were planning. When we did the dousing, she called us little $h*ts, and she was fired by our parents.

Somehow, years later, I figured out my babysitter and her friend weren't really all that friendly and this was probably her elaborate way of paying her back....

Copperhead said...

I've never read the text, but I've always been put off by the fact that Ariel sold her soul for a vagina and a hunk of man meat she had never met. Unlike Belle, who was the complete antithesis of all other Disney princesses before her by not going for the obvious stud.

Sorry for ragging on TLM, I'm too much of a critic. :p