Once again, I've been called upon to be a far nicer person than I have any desire to be. Followers of the blog should know pretty much my entire life story by this stage, or at least, the relevant parts of my life story, and therefore, should already know the grudge I've carried for almost twelve months towards ex and new boyfriend. And just recapping, lets remember that I attempted to patch that up of my own accord twice in the last month. Once via SMS, the second time by putting my smile on and heading to the function they were both scheduled to appear at. And both times, I was left looking bemused.
Well, the other day, I bumped into the boyfriend, N, at a store I didn't realise he worked at. I'd just been my usual camp tit of a self, chatting to the girl behind the counter, spun about, and came face to face (well, face to groin. He's VERY tall). So, I shot the usual sneer and proceeded to ignore him for the remainder of the shopping experience. Petty? Probably. Justified? I think so, yes.
Thinking nothing more of the encounter, it was quite a shock to come home and find a message from him on facebook, suggesting that, while things HAVE been pretty shit for the last few months, perhaps we could move forward. Direct quote: It takes so much effort to be the way we are to each other. I am happy to be friendly towards and move forward. Let me know what you think.
It took lots of soul searching, and badgering everyone I knew for advice, but ultimately, he's right. I'm not a hate filled person. If he wants to bury the hatchet, I can live with that. So here I am, with one less grudge, moving forward. How odd.
BUT. The thing you're not allowed to say in real life, but I can blurt out on here? It does piss me off that know HE looks like the bigger person, when I attempted the exact same thing a month ago! I mean honestly! Motherfuck! Now everyone will be all "Aw, it's nice that they're talking. Isn't N wonderful". I'm wonderful, dammit! Reconciliation was MY idea!
Sigh. I'm such a martyr. I should hop down off the cross, someone needs the wood.
1 comment:
That's exactly what I was just thinking! How come they get to decide to be nice on THEIR terms when you've already made the effort and had it rejected.
There's a difference though between being friends and being friendly though. Or even between being polite and being friendly.
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